Let It Go

The Rev. Dr. Skip Ferguson

Manassas Presbyterian Church

Manassas, Virginia

March 25, 2012

The Fifth Sunday in Lent

Service of Wholeness and Forgiveness

Let It Go

Matthew 18:21-22

It was my 10^th grade English teacher.

He told me he had intentionally

lowered my grade one point

to keep me from being on the Honor Roll

for the marking period.

“I couldn’t see you getting Honors,”

was the way he put it.

He spoke sneeringly, disdainfully.  

        

I was furious;

I couldn’t believe he’d done something

so mean-spirited,

so petty.

I was all of fifteen at the time;

my dreams of revenge were wonderfully creative,

but of course they remained nothing more than dreams.

He never apologized

and I never forgave him.

Some years later when the school honored him

as he retired after more than 30 years of teaching,

I silently wished him a short, miserable, retirement.

I’d hung onto my anger all those years.

Who among us hasn’t been offended,

humiliated,

injured,

lied to,

stolen from,

hurt,

by someone?

We, all of us, have had someone do something,

someone say something

that hurt deeply.

Perhaps it was something someone failed to say,

or failed to do,

a promise made,

a promise broken.

The pain was real,

and we refused to forgive,

refused twice over when the other person

showed not the least bit of repentance –

the bully who beats you up

and then laughs as you stand there with a bloody nose.

We hold onto our anger,

we hold onto grudges,

we do not forgive.

And why not – aren’t we justified?

After all, aren’t we innocent victims?

And don’t victims deserve something?

My English teacher did something that was petty,

nasty,

completely inappropriate for a teacher.

Surely Jesus wouldn’t have faulted me for my anger.

What the teacher did was not fair;

it was not right;

What the teacher did was wrong.

But we know, don’t we,

what Jesus would have said to me.

He would have said, “I agree- it was not fair,

it was not right.

It was mean, nasty, wrong.

Still, you must forgive him.”

Forgive him?

Why?

Especially when he wasn’t the least bit sorry for what he’d done.

The snide tone told me he was rather proud of himself.

And still Jesus would have responded,

“You must forgive him.”

Forgive.

Such a simple word,

so easy to say,

and yet such an incredibly hard thing to do.

Speaking through the prophet Isaiah,

God said,

I am He who blots out your transgressions

for my own sake, 

and I will not remember your sins.

Isaiah 43:25

This is our model for forgiveness:

we are to blot out in our minds

the transgression of another

as we forgive,

and remember it no more.

We are called by Jesus to forgive

because we are called by Jesus to lives of grace,

lives of peace,

lives of reconciliation,

lives of love in community.

No passage puts this teaching before us more bluntly

than when Jesus said as part of his Sermon on the Mount,

You have heard that it was said,

“An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.”

But I say to you, Do not resist an evildoer.

But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek,

turn the other also;

Matthew 5:38

An eye-for-an-eye seems so much fairer:

If someone hits me, I will forgive him

after I’ve hit him back.

Fair’s fair.

You hit me, I get to hit you.

Then we will reconcile.

A cartoon I shared with the group

that’s been part of the Thursday evening Lenten series

captures our struggle, our mindset, so perfectly:

“I’ve found that the secret to forgiveness

is to get revenge first.”

But Jesus teaches us to let go,

let go and forgive.

Forgive even if the person isn’t repentant,

Forgive even if the person never says “I’m sorry”,

Yale theologian Miraslov Wolf has written,

“Forgiveness is the beginning of a

transformational relationship.

It is the beginning of reconciliation.

It is what it means to be a follower of Jesus Christ

It doesn’t just relieve us from bitterness and resentment,

it enacts love,

laying the foundation for love,

yes, even between enemies.”

Jesus calls us to forgive:

To forgive the family member,

forgive the neighbor,

forgive the stranger,

forgive the friend,

forgive the enemy;

Jesus calls us to forgive the humiliation,

forgive the lie,

forgive the theft,

forgive the destruction,

forgive the injury,

forgive the death.

Jesus calls us to forgive.

To forgive the transgression small or large,

intentional or purely accidental,

forgive and

remember no more.

Henri Nouwen, the Jesuit priest,

acknowledges just hard this is:

“Forgiveness from the heart is very, very difficult,”

But,” Nouwen writes, “it is through forgiveness

that we become more like our Father in Heaven.

God’s forgiveness is unconditional;

it comes from a heart

that does not demand anything for itself…

It is this divine forgiveness

that we should practice in our daily lives.”

Jesus calls us to forgive and let go.

But we can’t do that by saying the words,

“I forgive you” through gritted teeth,

while we still hang onto anger.

To do that isn’t to forgive,

it is to hold a grudge,

and to hold a grudge is to carry a weight,

a weight that Jesus calls us to let go of,

that the Holy Spirit will help us get rid of.

As Henri Nouwen has observed,

we may think we are holding a grudge,

but the reality is that it is the grudge that holds us,

for holding a grudge drags us down into anger,

resentment, and bitterness.

It is telling that the word “grudge”

comes from the same root as the word “grouch”.

To forgive is to let go a deep seated pain;

it is to find peace,

to find the wholeness that Jesus

wants us to know,

wants us to have.

There is healing in forgiving,

for there is love in forgiving.

Last week we put our hands in water

to remind ourselves of the covenant promise

made by God in our baptism.

We put our hands in the water

to remember that we’ve been washed clean,

graced with the Holy Spirit,

and called to be part of the universal church

of Jesus Christ.

The stones we took from the bowls

were tangible reminders of that covenant promise

God has made with each of us.

Today we’ll do something similar:

In a moment you’ll be invited to come forward

to the stations set up at the base of the chancel.

At each station you’ll find a bowl of water,

and next to the bowl a basket of stones.

The stones are engraved with the words, “I Forgive.”

Take a stone from the basket and hold it in your hand

and then immerse your hand in the water,

as you forgive someone whom you need to forgive.

It could be a family member,

a work colleague,

a friend,

a stranger.

And as you forgive another,

make sure you also forgive yourself,

for we are often most unforgiving of our very selves.

As you forgive,

feel the water wash away anger,

resentment,

and pain.

You can leave your grudge behind in the water

as the Holy Spirit heals you,

and graces you with peace.

The take your stone with you as a reminder that today

you forgave:

you forgave someone you’ve been angry with

for a day, a week, a month, a year, a decade;

and you also forgave yourself,

for we all need to forgive ourselves our own shortcomings.

The Reverend Frederick Buechner has written,

“When somebody you’ve wronged forgives you,

you’re spared the dull and self-diminishing throb

of a guilty conscience.   

When you forgive somebody who has wronged you,

you’re spared the dismal corrosion

of bitterness and wounded pride.

For both, forgiveness means

the freedom again to be at peace …

and to be glad in each other’s presence.”

To forgive is to love,

to know God’s mercy,

to know the peace of Christ,

to be healed.

So come, forgive.

For just as you have been forgiven,

so you also must forgive.

AMEN