The Argument Clinic

The Rev. Dr. Skip Ferguson

Manassas Presbyterian Church

Manassas, Virginia

September 4, 2011

The Argument Clinic

Matthew 18:15-22

It’s a new month.

A new season lies before us.

We begin with Genesis Sunday next week,

the traditional day for us to close the book on summer

and look to fall as we resume Sunday School, Choirs,

and all the other activities that come with a new program year.

Summer is a quieter time,

but certainly not a sleepy time in our church.

We worshiped each Sunday with wonderful guest musicians.

Our Adult Education class featuring the

DVD series on Christian History was very popular.

Both our Middle School and High School Youth Groups

had terrific mission trip weeks.

We had yet another successful Vacation Bible School

with one hundred children laughing and singing

their way through a week of learning

and making new friends.

        

This is a wonderful church, a wonderful place:

Manassas Presbyterian Church.

It is a place where we can find renewal and refreshment;

where we can find support and encouragement;

where we can grow in faith and discipleship;

where friendships deepen and love is genuine.

One of the things that sets MPC apart from other churches

is that we are group of brothers and sisters in Christ

who always think alike,

who always see things the same way.

Here within the walls of this church

we never quarrel

never speak a cross word,

never let our tempers flare,

or hear angry voices.

It’s okay, you don’t need to stifle your laughter any longer;

Go ahead and let it out!

We’d certainly like to think that in church of all places,

and especially in our own church,

harmony always prevails,

but the fact is that sharing a common faith,

doesn’t necessarily mean that we will always agree.

We will differ on matters ranging from

theology to what cookies to serve at coffee hour.

We are, after all, fully human,

and when we walk through the doors of our church

we bring all our human emotions with us.

Even our Lord Jesus Christ showed that he had a temper;

He displayed anger – on more than a few occasions.

There were many times he was anything but

“gentle Jesus meek and mild.”

Yet, Jesus set the standard for us

for our behavior toward one another

when he said:

“By this everyone will know

that you are my disciples,

if you have love for one another.”

(John 13:35)

“if you have love for one another.”

But loving one another doesn’t mean

that we won’t have differences;

it doesn’t mean we won’t quarrel

or get angry from time to time.

Jesus was fully human as well as fully divine,

and he understood human emotions.

He felt them himself,

and he certainly witnessed them in the twelve

who walked with him.

How do you suppose the other ten

felt about James and John

after they asked Jesus to be granted the privilege

of sitting on Jesus’ left and right

when Jesus came in glory?

(Mark 10:35)

                                                     

So even after he calls us to love one another,

 Jesus, always the wise teacher,

gives us a bit of guidance

for how we are to manage conflict,

how we are to manage disagreement.

Our lesson seems straightforward

but as we tend to do with Jesus’ teachings,

over time we have distorted the lesson,

the verses too often read as rules of engagement

to be used against anyone with whom we disagree.

Step 1: Talk nicely with the person

with whom you are having the disagreement

and hope that they see that you are right

and they are wrong;

If that doesn’t work, bring in reinforcements,

preferably someone whose presence is at least mildly threatening

to the person with whom you disagree;

If the person is still obstinate and refuses to change,

then Step 3 allows you to spread gossip about the person

among the entire church,

with the intention of embarrassing and belittling the person.

Finally, Step 4 - hope the person gets angry enough

to leave the church,

storming out in a display of anger

justifying your actions.

That’s clearly not what Jesus wants from us,

Jesus expects us to act with grace,

act with wisdom,

act with forgiveness,

and with love.

He expects that from us

because that’s how God acts with us and toward us.

Jesus wants us to be reconciled with one another;

he wants us to work out our differences.

As one commentator put it,

Jesus wants us to work constantly and faithfully

to assure that the church is not destroyed

by the “slow erosion of unresolved antagonisms.”

We live in highly polarized world.

We shout at one another;

We talk at one another.

And the more we talk at one another,

the less we listen to one another;

the less we empathize with one another,

the less of an effort we make

to try to understand the point of view of the other person,

why the other person thinks as he or she thinks.

We hear God’s call to work for reconciliation and peace,

and we think,

“Yeah, if only the other person would do that,

then we’d get along fine.

If only the other person would be a little more reasonable,

a little more flexible,

a little more forgiving,

then we wouldn’t have a problem.”

But don’t you see the problem here:

if we start with the assumption that it is the other person

who is the cause of the trouble,

the cause of the problem,

the one who is inflexible, unyielding,

or just plain wrong,

then we have put ourselves thick in the forest of

self-righteousness,

of judgment,

of arrogance,

of smug certainty.

Speaking through the prophet Isaiah,

God said to the children of Israel,

“Come, let us reason together”

or as our NRSV translation puts it,

“Come now, let us argue it out.”

(Isaiah 1:18)

Now if there is anyone who stands on firm and certain ground,

it is God.

But even God understands that the essence of relationships

is built on give and take, working together,

finding common ground.

God was outraged by the behavior of his beloved children

in Israel during Isaiah’s time,

but even God said in effect, “let’s find some commonality,

something we can talk about

so we don’t just break apart,

each of us so adamant of our own certainty

that we are willing to walk away from one another,

walk away in anger,

walk away forever.

You heard Peter ask Jesus,

“Lord, if another member of the church sins against me,

how often should I forgive?

As many as seven times?”

Jesus’ response is simple, yet powerful,

“Not seven times,

but I tell you seventy times seven.”

(Matthew 18:22)

In other words, we are to offer forgiveness

time and time again,

as we work for reconciliation,

work seeking common ground,

work to find harmony.  

Yes, of course, there may come a time

when a parting of the ways is the best step.

But even that can be done fairly, equitably,

and with dignity and peace.

After all their squabbles, all their fighting

Jacob and Laban finally resolved their differences

with a covenant as they each went their separate way

parting in peace.

(Genesis 31:43ff)

                 

Paul is right when he says that,

“we see in a mirror dimly;

we know only in part.”

I don’t have all the answers;

I’ve never met anyone who has all the answers;

no one here has all the answers;

no one anywhere has all the answers.

Forty years ago five young British men and one American

formed the famed Monty Python group

and quickly established themselves as brilliant comedians.

One of their best sketches from their original television show

was called the Argument Clinic.

The premise is absurd:

a man walks into an office

and tells the receptionist

he’d like to have an argument.

She inquires whether he wants an introductory lesson,

or the full 10-session course.

The man decides on the introductory lesson

and is sent down the hall to room 12.

He walks in and finds a man sitting behind a desk.

The customer takes a seat opposite,

and immediately the two men begin to argue,

back and forth, back and forth

sounding like two small children:

Yes, I did,

No, you didn’t.

Yes, I did,

No, you didn’t.

Back and forth they go,

until the customer abruptly stops to complain

that they weren’t really having an argument;

they were just contradicting one another.

An argument, he says,

is an intellectual process;

it isn’t just automatically contradicting or denying

what the other person is saying.

There in the midst of an hilarious comedy routine

is great wisdom.

Arguing should be more than just disagreeing;

it should be working through differences.

Listening carefully;

Arguing properly done requires reasoning,

and reasonableness.

It requires flexibility,

grace, and a desire to find the path

to reconciliation.

Unhappily, we live in a world where we don’t argue,

we just contradict, deny,

stand adamant,

opposed,

resolute,

closed.

Manichaean is the theological term:

no shades of gray,

I’m right; you are wrong.

The very nature of community is that we are the Body,

each of us given different gifts

and different perspectives by the Holy Spirit.

We need one another,

and we are called to listen to one another

as we work together to build up the Body of Christ.

We do it well here;

but of course, what we learn here,

we need to take out into the world around us.

for the world needs more and better arguing,

and less contradiction and opposition.  

Each time I preside at a wedding as I did on Friday,

I share with the bride and groom a text

from Paul’s letter to the Colossians

in which he wrote:

“As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved,

clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness,

humility, meekness, and patience.

Bear with one another and,

if anyone has a complaint against another,

forgive each other;

just as the Lord^* has forgiven you,

so you also must forgive.

Above all, clothe yourselves with love,

which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, …

(Colossians 3:12ff)

This is how we are to live our lives

both in relationships where we get along,

but even more important,

in relationships that are fraught with disagreement.

Frederick Buechner reminds us that,

“We have it in us to be Christ to each other…

We have it in us to work miracles of love and healing…

We have it in us to bless with Christ

and forgive with him

and heal with him”

Buechner is right: we do have it within us

to be Christs to each other,

here within this church

to all our brothers and sisters in faith,

to all God’s children everywhere.

But we will never be Christs to anyone

if our words,

our actions,

are not grounded in grace,

not grounded in compassion,

not grounded in empathy and love.

We will never be Christs to anyone

if we find ourselves on opposite sides

trapped in a whirlwind

like those two British comedians,

the pointless whirlwind of

The Argument Clinic.  

AMEN