Helpers

The Rev. Dr. Whitworth Ferguson III
Manassas Presbyterian Church
Manassas, Virginia
February 14, 2010

Helpers
Genesis 2:18

It isn’t good that we be alone,
man or woman.
God knew that even before we knew it.
God created us to be family, to be community.

You may recall that there are two different creation stories
in the first two chapters of Genesis.
The first tells us that God created male and female together,
at the same time,
both in God’s image.

In the second creation story,
the one that we think of as the Adam and Eve story,
God first created man,
and then, as we just heard,
God created woman as a partner for the man,
a helper.

This passage has been badly misinterpreted over the centuries,
misinterpreted as an argument for a lesser role for woman,
that God created woman to be subservient,
the man primary.
But let’s stop for second and think about that:
Did Adam need someone to prepare meals for him?
No, God saw to it that all his creations were fed,
including his human creations.
Did Adam need someone to wash and mend his clothes?
What clothes?
Did Adam need someone to look after his home
while he was at work?
What home?
What work?

We need to remember that when we hear this passage,
we are hearing an English translation
of words written 3000 years ago in the Hebrew language.
What was the meaning and context of the Hebrew
at the time this passage was written?
The Hebrew word we translate as “helper”
means someone who is there,
someone we can rely on,
someone who provides comfort, support,
encouragement,
companionship,
and, love.

If we think the word suggests an inferior position,
a secondary place,
we’d better be careful before we drive too far down that road.
We find that very word used to describe God
in a number of places in the Old Testament
especially in the Psalms:
“[My] soul waits for the Lord,
he is [my] help…”
(Psalm 33:20)
“I lift up my eyes to the Lord,
from where will my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.”
(Psalm 121)

To be a help, a helper, is to be more than a companion,
more than Facebook friend,
even more than a Valentine;
It is to reflect the very presence of God
in the life of another person.

I suspect that what God wanted Adam and Eve to learn
was that in marriage both husband and wife
are called to be one another’s helpers,
each called to reflect the presence of God
in each other’s life;
that’s how two become one.

It’s hard work, though,
requiring effort every day throughout the marriage.
Adam and Eve of course got into trouble right away,
quickly shedding any reflection of God
as they tried to blame one another
in the infamous “Fruit-of-the-Tree” incident.

The sad reality is that in many marriages
it just doesn’t happen
husband and wife don’t become one another’s helpers.
Husband and wife may get along
but they don’t work to be come one another’s helpers.

We’ve seen the statistics:
that fully one of every two marriages
ends in divorce.
There are those who argue that these numbers are so high
because divorce is too easy to get.
I’ve witnessed enough divorces over the years,
to respond to that with one word,
“Nonsense.”
Divorce is excruciatingly painful,
an experience no one finds “easy”.

What is easy is getting married.
Pay a fee, get a license, find a justice of the peace,
and that’s it – you are married.

We in the clergy have played a part in this;
we love weddings as much as anyone else,
but we have a responsibility to help a couple considering marriage
approach their decision maturely, faithfully,
understanding that for all the detail and work
that may go into planning a wedding,
the real work begins as soon as the couple
walk down the aisle as husband and wife,

Back in Moses’ day,
back when Jesus attended the wedding at Cana,
marriage was little more than the culmination of a contract
between two fathers,
two families merging to become stronger
through the union of a son and daughter.
A man left his mother and his father,
as the Bible tells us,
because that’s what the man’s father negotiated for his son.

But God wants more for us in a marriage
than just a good merger:
God wants husband and wife to be one another’s helpers
to be fully part of one another’s life
so that the two can become one.

We capture this sentiment in the words we use
in our marriage service:
“God gave us marriage so that husband and wife may help
and comfort each other
living faithfully together in plenty and in want,
in joy and in sorrow
in sickness and health
throughout all their days.”

We don’t stop there, though;
we build on what we understand to be God’s hope for us,
God’s intent for us:
“God gave us marriage
for the full expression of the love between a man and woman.
In marriage, a woman and man belong to each other,
and with affection and tenderness
freely give themselves to each other.”

Husband and wife belong to each other,
give themselves, setting selfishness aside,
to encourage, nurture,
build up,
strengthen, comfort……Help.

Most divorces happen because couples drift apart,
stop talking,
stop growing together,
stop learning about one another,
stop being one another’s helper.

The first step to being your partner’s helper
is to know your partner,
know him well,
learn about her.
Do you know his or her favorite food?
Not what he or she liked when you first were married,
but now, today?
What’s her favorite color?
What’s his favorite song?
What’s her favorite movie?
What’s his favorite musical group?

How have his or her preferences, likes,
dislikes changed over the past few years?
It is an absolutely true statement to say,
“you are not the person I married.”
We all change over time.

Do you know what the three most exciting things are
that have ever happened in her life?
Do you know what the three most difficult times are
that he’s experienced in his life?

If she has a hobby,
what is it that she loves about it?
If he is on vacation,
what is the one thing he wants to do
more than anything else?
Why does she read what she reads?
Why does he watch what we watches?
What’s going on in her life now?
In work?
At home?
With family?
What are his dreams, hopes, goals?

How much do you know about her faith?
What do you know about his walk with Christ?
What helps her faith grow?
What gets in the way of his faith?

Here’s a question that will sound a little odd at first:
Could you write a eulogy for him, for her?
We tend to tie the word “eulogy” with funerals,
something to be said of a person
after he or she has died.
But the word means “a speech of praise”.
Don't wait to speak words of praise;
doesn’t Paul call us to speak words that “build up”?
What would you write now,
beyond generalities --
what details would you include
to capture her life,
that would really tell his story?

Questions for you to ponder
not just on this secular holiday
but every day
as you seek to build on the relationship that God called you to.

Ponder them as you come to this Table,
as you come to be refreshed by the Holy Spirit,
through this meal our Lord has prepared for us.
And then renewed by the Spirit,
go and work on growing as a helper
today, tomorrow, every day.

Reflect the presence of God.
Reflect the presence of the one
who is part of your marriage,
part of every loving relationship,
the one who is always there to guide,
strengthen,
comfort, lead
and … help.
AMEN