Passing the Shoe

The Rev. Whitworth Ferguson III
Manassas Presbyterian Church
Manassas, Virginia
June 22, 2008

Passing the Shoe
Ruth 4:1-12
Matthew 19:1-9

Yesterday I had the honor and pleasure
of taking part in the wedding of
Jaime Patterson and Scott Fargrieve
at Holy Trinity Roman Catholic Church.
Weddings are such joy-filled events --
I love presiding at them and
I love participating in them.
It doesn’t matter to me whether it is a
formal ceremony held in large church,
or a simple, small service
held outdoors in a garden bower.

All weddings seem to have a wonderful consistency:
The bride and her attendants radiate beauty;
the groom and his groomsmen blend chiseled handsomeness
with charming nervousness.
The children who participate are adorable;
virtually every woman cries,
and at the reception every man
has the look of a hunted animal
once the dancing begins.

Marriage has come a long way since Ruth’s time
more than 3,000 years ago.
Did you realize as you were listening to the First Lesson
that you were witness to a marriage,
the marriage of Boaz and Ruth?

Boaz bought the property that had belonged
to Naomi’s late husband,
Ruth’s former father-in-law.
When Boaz bought the property,
he got Ruth as his wife in the bargain --
she went with the property!
There was a ceremony to mark the occasion,
but it did not take place in a church or temple,
there were no flowers or white dresses,
nor any vows or music.
The ceremony centered on the passing of a sandal,
a shoe,
from the man who had the first right
to the property, the next-of-kin,
to Boaz, symbolizing the transfer to Boaz:
the property, the land, the title,
and all that went with it,
including Ruth.

I think it is safe to say that this was not a high point for marriage.
The happy news is that there was genuine affection
between Ruth and Boaz.
They would go on to become the parents of Jesse,
and the grandparents of King David.

For most of human history,
marriage was a drab, business-like affair,
more contract than commitment
more merger than marriage,
more property and money
than husband and wife.
Up until the very recent past,
when a man and woman married
it was for economic gain,
political power,
and self interest.
Fathers would agree to merge sons and daughters
to bring about a larger combination of families:
the more people to farm or produce goods,
as well as defend a town or settlement.
Love was not a concern in marriage.

It was not until the 12th century
that the church became involved in solemnizing marriages
with couples standing before God and clergy
to exchange their vows.
Even then, the move from a strictly civil service
to a religious one had less to do with love
than it did with upholding laws
that discouraged marrying within family,
and assuring the legitimacy of children.

Given the history of marriage,
we should be neither horrified nor surprised
as we read through the pages of the Old Testament
and learn that men often had many wives;
and that they had children not only by their wives,
but also by their concubines.
Solomon represented either the peak or the trough,
depending on how you look at such things,
with his 700 wives, and 300 concubines.

Even in Jesus’ time, it was not uncommon
to have more than one wife.
This makes Jesus’ teaching in our gospel lesson
all the more remarkable.
Jesus was asked a question about divorce:
was it allowed, and under what circumstances.
For a thousand years, the law handed down by God through Moses
spoke to allowing divorce under some circumstances.
(Deuteronomy 24)
As we heard in the Lesson, the Pharisees wanted to test Jesus.

But as Jesus often did when questioned by religious leaders,
he did not answer the question directly.
Instead, he made a subtle but radical point:
that marriages were not about economic or political union,
nor were they mergers engineered by the parents of the couple;
they were unions formed by God and blessed by God.

Jesus quoted Scripture from the very beginning of the Bible
the second chapter of Genesis:
“Therefore, a man leaves his father and his mother
and cleaves to his wife,
and they become as one flesh.” (Gen. 2:24)
He reinforced the point with his own words:
“They are no longer two, but one flesh”.
And then he concluded with those words
we hear at the end of every wedding ceremony:
“Therefore what God has joined together,
let no one separate.”

No one had thought this way before:
that when a man and woman married
it was because God had called them to one another,
called them together in a holy bond,
two becoming one in marriage
and through marriage.
No one had thought of marriage as grounded in love before,
but if marriage was grounded in God,
then it must be grounded in love,
for “God is love”
(1 John 4:16)

Here in the Presbyterian Church,
we refer to marriage as a “gift given by God,
blessed by our Lord Jesus Christ,
and sustained by the Holy Spirit.”
It is a “covenant through which
a man and a woman are called to live out
together before God
their lives of discipleship.”
(Directory for Worship, W-4.9001)

We begin a wedding service in our church by explaining the gift:
that God gave us marriage,
“so that husband and wife may help and comfort each other,
living faithfully together in plenty and in want,
in joy and in sorrow,
in sickness and in health,
throughout all their days.”
Our Book of Common Worship tells us that
“God gave us marriage for the full expression of love
between a man and woman.
In marriage, a woman and man belong to each other,
and with affection and tenderness
freely give themselves to each other.”
Marriage is nothing less than “a new way of life,
created, ordered, and blessed by God.”
(Book of Common Worship, Christian Marriage)

There is a fascinating paradox in all this:
that while God gave us this extraordinary gift,
the Bible comes up very short with
examples of good marriages.
Adam and Eve get into trouble right away,
each trying to blame the other when caught by God
as they ate from the fruit of the forbidden tree.
Moses all but abandoned his marriage
to lead the Israelites from Egypt.
The prophet Jeremiah complained to God
that he was so busy doing all the work
that God told him to do
that he had no time for marriage or a family.
Jesus of course did not marry,
unless you believe “The DaVinci Code”,
and some of Paul’s writings suggest that he did not
think marriage an especially wise step,
that it distracted both husband and wife
from focusing mind, soul, heart, and body on God.
(1 Cor. 7:32ff)

Now the Bible may lack examples of good marriages,
but it is rich in wisdom and counsel
that can help couples through the years
as they go through life together.
One of the best examples comes from, of all people, Paul,
in his letter to the Colossians.
It is a text I share with couples
every time I preside at a marriage:
“As God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved,
clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness,
humility, meekness, and patience.
Bear with one another,
and if one has a complaint against the other,
forgive each other;
Just as the Lord has forgiven you,
so you also must forgive.
Above all, clothe yourselves with love,
which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
And do not let the sun go down on your anger,
but let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.
Be thankful,
and whatever you do,
in word or deed,
do everything in the name of our Lord Jesus,
giving thanks to God the Father through him.”
(from Colossians 3 and Ephesians 4:26)

Paul was also the author of those words
we hear at so many weddings,
the powerful words that he wrote
in his first letter to the Corinthians,
“Love is patient,
love is kind,
love is not envious or boastful
or arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its own way,
It is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice in wrongdoings,
but rejoices in the truth.
[Love] bears all things,
[Love] believes all things,
[Love] hopes all things
and [Love] endures all things.”
(1 Cor. 13:4)

Last week in her sermon Cheri Villa
used a word that I think is so vital to strong marriages:
it’s a word we don’t find in any of Paul’s writings,
a word that doesn’t appear anywhere in the Bible:
The word, “empathy”.
To “empathize” is not the same as to “sympathize”.
It means to understand another’s feelings and situation.
Cheri called us to lives of empathy
so that we might try to understand – really understand --
what it would be like to live and eat
like those who need Food Stamps
for their groceries.
She called us to do that by stepping into the shoes
of those who live on food stamps
by living for three days
spending less than $4 per day on food.

Couples are called to lives of empathy,
called to step into the shoes of their spouses,
not to judge, not to criticize,
but simply to understand.
Step into their shoes and learn their hopes
their dreams, their fears, their concerns,
their joys, their sorrows.
Recognize their world on their terms,

It is hard work to empathize.
to step into another’s shoes,
to set yourself and your own concerns aside
so that you can learn
really learn, selflessly learn
about a loved one.
It is easier to pass the shoe,
than to step into it.
But that’s the life that God calls couples to in marriage,
that’s part of the two becoming one.

Our Christian Education Ministry Team is working on ideas
for programs, workshops, and seminars
on marriage enrichment that we hope to offer next year.
It is the start of what we hope will be a greater focus
on how we can all help nurture marriages,
from the newest to those celebrating 50-year anniversaries.

No couple who stand before God, their pastor,
family and friends, to exchange their vows,
are married;
They are “becoming married”
(Herbert Anderson & Robert Fite)
starting a process that they will work on
the rest of their lives.
And every marriage requires hard work;
No marriage is perfect.
As one writer observed, the only perfect thing
in any marriage is the picture taken of the couple
on their wedding day,
and even that has been retouched.

But if a couple makes God the foundation of their marriage;
If they open themselves to the guidance of the Holy Spirit,
the Spirit that will help them step into the shoes
of the other to learn empathy;
if they recognize that they are constantly
becoming disciples of Christ
as much as they are becoming married;
If they seek to grow in faith together,
then they will grow in love together,
and they will understand the words of our Lord,
“that the two shall become one.”
AMEN