Anger Management

The Rev. Whitworth Ferguson III
The First Presbyterian Church
Washingtonville, New York
August 8, 2004

Anger Management
Matthew 5:21-26
Ephesians 4:25-5:2


Summer is supposed to be a time of relaxation, renewal and refreshment.
Our lives are supposed to be quieter, less hectic.
Summer is supposed to be a time of long, languid afternoons
snoozing in a hammock in the shade,
or curled up on the porch, or by a pool, or on the beach
with a good trashy novel.

That is how summer is supposed to be.
But of course that is not how summer is for most of us.
Our lives tend to be even more frantic
as we try to fit in all the different things we want to do.
Our workdays are no easier,
and then when we get home, there are projects around the house
the yard, and the garden, all waiting to be done.
There are vacations to be planned,
visiting relatives and friends to be entertained,
softball games and golf to be played.

We are busier than ever in the summer.
It is no wonder that summer tends to be a stressful time.
We find ourselves as keyed up and stressed out
as if it were the middle of December.

When we get stressed, we find that our fuses are shorter,
we are more likely to find even small things bother us.
We find ourselves getting angry,
losing our temper,
blowing our tops.

The heat and humidity only make matter worse.
Even with air conditioning, a restful night’s sleep
can be hard to come by.
We toss and turn and wake up cranky,
as knotted up as the sheets on our beds.
We begin our days stressed, and then only add to the stress
when we get behind the wheel of our cars.
It is a sad reflection on our times that
the term “road rage” has become a part of our vocabulary
and that there are now signs along highways telling us
to call the state troopers to report aggressive driving.

Anger seems to be all around us:
On the roads,
in stores,
in offices,
on the softball diamond and the golf course,
and even on the playground.

We seem to be living in a more temperamental world,
a world where people are quicker to swear at you
than bless you, and in the most vulgar language;
a world where an obscene hand gesture has replaced a friendly wave.

The church is not immune to this dreadful anger virus.
The annual meeting of the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church
just wrapped up a few weeks back in Richmond, Virginia
and was notable not so much for its substantive accomplishments,
as it was for the fact that this it was not marred
by the vicious fighting and angry outbursts
that had been so prevalent over the past few years.

Here in our own church in the past few months,
I have received notes about things I have said in sermons,
or things I have suggested we do as a church,
or things I have done,
that have upset the writers.
What has struck me is not that the writers disagreed with me,
that comes with the job;
no, what has struck me has been the
anger underlying the different complaints.

We seem to be living in an rage-filled world,
where our first reaction to anything we don’t like is to vent our anger.

Now anger is as natural as any other emotion.
It is part of our makeup – just like joy, fear, love, sadness
and all the other emotions that God built into each of us.
Anger by itself is not a bad thing.
No, where we get ourselves into trouble is how we handle our anger,
how we manage our anger,
what we do with it.

Psychologists tell us that we tend to deal with anger one of two ways:
At one extreme, we give voice to it and express our anger,
we explode and let our fury fly, venting all our rage.
At the other extreme, we suppress our anger;
we bottle it up, and try to ignore it.

We have a tendency to think that as Christians,
we should never display our anger,
so we try to bottle it, cap it, put it in a lockbox
and try to ignore it.

But suppressing our feelings is not healthy.
If we are feeling something, then those feelings are real
and we have to find a way to let them out.
Anger is real.
We have only to read a few passages of the Old Testament
and we can find more than a few examples of God’s anger
with his children, our ancestors in faith.
And a cursory reading of even one gospel will reveal that Jesus too
lost his temper with his disciples on a number of occasions.
as he went about his ministry.

What we need to do is find the best way to release our pent up emotions.
And with anger, that can often require a great deal of thought and work.
But we can find some help in chapter 29 of Proverbs
where we read,
“A fool gives full vent to his anger,
but the wise quietly holds it back” P29:11

Right there is the key
We are not to give full vent to our anger.
We are not to express everything that we are feeling.
The wise person understand the importance of holding back;
He or she doesn’t bottle it up;
but finds a healthier way for it to come out.

When we get angry at someone and give “full vent” to our rage,
we can risk causing serious harm to our relationship with
the person at whom our anger is directed.
This is especially true with when parents lose their tempers with children.
The mother who screams at a child in the grocery store,
the father who yells at his child to do better on the playing field.
We can do serious damage to another person’s sense of self
a person’s sense of esteem with just a few words.

James, the brother of our Lord Jesus Christ, reminds us
that our tongues can be devastating weapons:
“How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire,
and the tongue is a fire!
The tongue…stains the whole body…
…The tongue is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
With it we bless the Lord and Father,
and with it we curse those
who are made in the likeness of God.” (James 3:5-9)

When we vent our rage, we are doing just what James describes:
we are cursing someone who is made in the likeness of God.
We are cursing a child of God.
It doesn’t matter whether the person with whom we are angry
is younger, older, or the same age.
We are cursing a child of God.

Feel the emotion that God gave you,
but be measured, be careful.
Be respectful of the other person.
“Be angry” Paul tells us,
but “don’t let the anger lead you to sin.”

Don’t let anger lead you to say things that are hurtful,
destructive,
nasty,
mean-spirited,
Don’t let your anger lead you to say words
that injure, hurt, and scar.

And when anger does overwhelm you,
“don’t let the sun go down upon your anger.”
Express your feelings to the other person,
but do it constructively,
and then work toward reconciliation,
work toward rebuilding the bridge between you
and the person who had made you angry.

You and I have been called to a ministry of reconciliation
in the name of Jesus Christ.
And we can’t just choose to work on reconciliation with one person,
while we are livid at someone else.
Our ministry of reconciliation begins in the home.
It begins with husband, wife,
mother, father,
son, daughter.
If we aren’t working on reconciliation in our homes.
Then how can we hope to serve Christ faithfully in the world at large?
Reconciliation is about working out the problems,
Sorting through the differences.
Sitting down and talking through the dilemmas.
Getting at the root, the cause, of our anger.

Reconciliation is much harder work than being angry.
Being angry is easy.
Being angry requires no thought of any kind whatsoever
It requires no preparation, no real work.
You give a voice to whatever pops in your mind.

Working on reconciliation, working as a disciple:
that is much harder work.
But that is what Paul tells us to do.

Most of our anger stems from when others
don’t do things our way, the way we think they ought to be done.
Someone says something with which we disagree
or does something that we disapprove of.
Most of our anger is profoundly judgmental
and that makes it sinful.
That’s why we hear Jesus say,
“…if you are angry with a brother or sister,
you will be liable to judgment”


God was often angry with our ancestors in faith.
They were no different from you and me.
They were often too caught up in their own worlds
to listen to God, to follow God’s way.
So God got angry,
and punished them repeatedly.
But God got tired of being angry with his children.
And so he sought to reconcile himself to his children
through his Son Jesus Christ.
God has reconciled himself to you and to me
through Jesus Christ,
so that he will never be angry with us
even when we are disobedient and sinful.
God reconciled himself to you and to me through Jesus Christ
and you and I are called to carry on this work of reconciliation
this ministry of reconciliation with each other,
with all God’s children.

And that means we don’t have time to be angry.
We don’t have time to get ourselves all worked up over
things that other people do and say.
Still, we will.
We are human.
But when it happens, when you feel yourself filled with anger,
your temper about to burst
look to God to help you: help calm you,
and help you find the right words.
Before you vent, ask God for help.
And then always, always,
remember to look at the other person, whoever he or she is,
and remember that he or she bears the image of God
Express your feelings,
but don’t vent your anger,

And then turn immediately to reconciliation,
to the ministry to which you and I have been called,
to the ministry with which you and I have been entrusted.
Be guided by Paul’s teaching to us,
“Lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called.
with all humility and gentleness, with patience,
bearing with one another in love,
making every effort to maintain the unity in the bond of peace.
…Let no evil talk come out of your mouths,
but only what is useful for building up, as there is need,
so that your words may give grace to those who hear.
Put away all bitterness and wrath and anger
and be kind to one another
forgiving one another
as God in Christ has forgiven you. ” (Eph. 4:1-29)

AMEN